Sunday, May 19, 2013

An (Open-Minded) Look at the JJ Abrams version of "Star Trek" (2009 Movie)

I'm not into Star Trek.

Pick your jaw up off the floor. Not all Stargate fans are Star Trek fans, and vice versa. While there may be overlap in fandoms, it's not always likely.

I've been seeing previews/trailers for Star Trek Into Darkness every time I turn around, which is fine and all, but since I'm not a fan, I keep trying to figure out why it looks so darn appealing to me.

I guess you can say my non-interest in Star Trek started early on, when I was convinced that it was unwatchable because of William Shatner. Not just the original series, mind you...the whole darn franchise - the movies, the series (being born in 1982, it was The Original Series and The Next Generation, and in my pre-teen years, Deep Space Nine and Voyager in my teens, by college, it was Enterprise). I was familiar with the characters and certain storylines and just seemed to know my way around the franchise, but it was never something I could get into. Plus I'm just not a fan of William Shatner. If I want to watch scenery being chewed, I'll watch David Hasselhoff sing....on second thought, no I won't.

So, in keeping an open mind and trying to turn around my unwillingness and say "Ok, I saw it," I threw caution to the wind tonight and sat down and watched the 2009 adaptation of Star Trek. And now I'm going to tell you exactly what I liked about it.

The Casting - The casting is impressive. As a young James T. Kirk, Chris Pine is cute and very much human, growing into a leader despite his wreckless youth (the scene of his younger self stealing the car was hysterical!) and attitude as a Starfleet Academy cadet. Zachary Quinto as Spock was dead-on accurate, as was Karl Urban as Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy (I was dead convinced that Urban was an impressive clone of the original Bones), Simon Pegg is hilariously over-the-top as Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Zoe Saldana is gorgeous as Lt. Uhura (whose first name was never revealed :-) ), John Cho as Sulu was perfect (Considering who he was modeled after, lol!), and Anton Yelchin's Chekov still sounds like a Russian stereotype (much in the same sense that Pegg's Scotty sounds like a Scottish stereotype, but who am I to judge?).

The Humor - The movie had some funny scenes and situations, many of which seem to be courtesy of James Kirk himself. Some of the highlights:

  • Kirk being injected with various diseases so Dr. McCoy could take him aboard the Enterprise under the guise of Kirk being sick with diseases that required his expertise (and seeing the alarming symptoms Kirk begins to develop as a result!). The swollen hands were hysterical!
  • Kirk sleeping with the green girl. Why am I not surprised that there would be a throwback to the original series thrown in? I found myself giggling over the idea of this, while simultaneously thinking "Oh, Kirk, will you ever learn?"
  • The amount of times that Kirk gets beaten up and knocked unconscious. And I thought Daniel Jackson and Colonel O'Neill were the favorite targets of alien races on Stargate SG-1. It turns out Kirk equals their track records in getting knocked out.
  • "Scotty" - Anything Scotty said was grounds for laughs. I can see why my boyfriend liked Simon Pegg's performance so much - the man did much justice to James Doohan's performance, and with a natural accent (though I'm convinced he sounded a little too much like Dr. Beckett on Stargate Atlantis - had to throw in my fandom for good measure!).

The Music - Those of you who know me, and read my Star Wars tribute, know my love for orchestral film scores. The music was quite impressive and enjoyable - it even made the campy version of the original Star Trek theme sound amazing. Consider the time that the original series was on, and consider the fact that science fiction today is not science fiction in the 1960s - the future looks better than any show about it could have envisioned (despite the lack of flying cars), and so are the orchestral film scores.

The Ice Planet Scene - Kirk is expelled in a pod from the Enterprise and lands on an Ice Planet, and upon waking up and against better judgement about allowing the pod to take him to the outpost, Kirk decides to be a man and brave the elements of the ice planet...only to be chased by one creature, and in a moment of survival-of-the-fittest resulting in that animal's consumption by a much larger creature, is chased again by the larger creature. Also amazing is his meeting with a much older Spock (Leonard Nimoy reprising his role), who assures the young Kirk that a friendship is in the cards for the two men, and also does a Vulcan mind meld. The older Spock is forced to watch his home planet destroyed and his mother killed in the blast, and works to convince Kirk that he and the younger Spock need to work together to save other planets from destruction at the hands of the Romulans.

Chris Pine - Wow. Just wow. He is so easy to look at, and it's easy to see past him playing William Shatner's character, which means that he wasn't attempting to be like the Kirk that hammed it up, chewed the scenery, and slept with tons of colorful ladies. Well, ok, he slept with one green lady, but I can overlook it.

Sorry green ladies, he's mine.

My verdict? Not a bad film! It helped to know something minor about the franchise and character names, and past that, it is actually a decent film that I would highly recommend. Fandom aside, it's not the hardest film to get into, and the plot moves at a consistent and even pace. Abrams sets out to create a vision of Star Trek that works with enhanced special effects and takes viewers on a journey that is both exciting and visually pleasing. With some humorous moments thrown in for good measure, coupled with a great action balance, I am pleasantly pleased with the film, and am very happy to have seen it.

So that's my honest assessment of the 2009 JJ Abrams Star Trek film. I may actually continue to keep that open mind open and see Into Darkness after all. While this may not persuade me to give the Original Series a chance, it certainly opened me up to the idea of seeing the next film (though I'm quite leery about the Original Enterprise-era movies). With great special effects, a great story about a man who must find it within him to save the day and take charge, thus overcoming adversity, humor (can't forget that), beautiful music, and the opportunity to stare at Chris Pine for two hours, I have no regrets about checking out this movie.

I guess I'm going to have to see Into Darkness now. It's only right.

Live long and prosper, peeps! I can't believe I just said that. *Shaking head*

Have a great night!

 

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Allison's Favorite Awesomely Bad Album Covers

There are great album covers, there are good album covers...and there is a dark side of album covers. Contained herein on the dark side are Awesomely Bad Album Covers.

The well never runs dry with inspiration when there is just so much in the world that could potentially be a target for observation and humor. I find it somewhat baffling that I never have a hard time being inspired by things that are small and insignificant.

Right before Easter, I was listening to my iPod at work, and an album cover popped up in shuffle mode, and it was an old Kenny Loggins album cover, Keep the Fire. It was at that exact moment (well, a few hours later - remember, I was at work) that I started seeking out the images of other Awesomely Bad Album covers.

The concept of a Bad Album Cover list is not novel by any means. Cracked.com has great (and certainly better than mine) articles devoted to various aspects of Bad Album Covers. There are websites, articles, and entire Google searches dedicated to this "hobby." And what truly baffles me is the "research" trip I took to Amazon.com to look for some of these albums, and find that from one truly Awesomely Bad Album Cover comes multiple Awesomely Bad Album Covers from these artists. Because when you have a pest problem, it multiplies without proper intervention.

By no means is this an exhaustive list of favorites, just a scratching of the surface, if you will, of covers that I truly love.

And the beauty part about all of these covers...no photoshopping or means of manipulation was used to make any of this possible. These are real, unadulterated, and badass. Well, real and unadulterated. Only some can be badass. It's a distinct honor that not everyone can accomplish.

I proudly present, for your upmost consideration, a non-exhaustive list of some of my favorite Awesomely Bad Album Covers!

Cool As Ice - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Actions speak louder than words. Those pants, even louder.

But I do like the song "Cool As Ice (Everybody Get Loose)."

 

Kenny Loggins - Keep the Fire

Back on Easter, I probably offended the faithful when I called this album cover "Jesus Christ Kenny Loggins." But seriously, there's religious, there's faithful, and there's bowing at the feet of Kenny Loggins. The power of Jesus Christ Kenny Loggins compels you!

With all honesty, I do like the song "This is It."

Ken By Request Only

No only does Ken sing by request only, he also stares vacantly into the distance...and right into your soul. By request only.

Joyce

Joyce has looks. Joyce has talent. Joyce inspired Dustin Hoffman's Tootsie look. Joyce is now famous. You're welcome, Dustin Hoffman.

Orion - Reborn

Because when one is reborn, one must look fabulous. Even if "fabulous" is best symbolized by a toupee, blue pants, and a Mardi Gras mask. Ladies! One at a time! Plenty of Orion to go around!

And this isn't even Orion's first time at the (sparkly-masked) rodeo, he has a whole collection of truly bad album covers, so it was a hard choice.

Take, for example, this one. Orion dancing on what appears to be a coffin. So much happening here...

The Louvin Brothers - Satan is for Real

Really? Looks wooden to me. In all defense, it's not Satan's greatest performance. He's too busy buying William Shatner's soul so he can have a singing career. And then he's on to David Hasselhoff.

Alla Pugatjova - Superman Every Night and Every Day

So much comes to mind when I see this album cover, aside from the obvious "what the heck is this?", so I'm just going to lay it all out on the line, and say everything I tried to think of to write about this.

1. When I think of the Man of Steel, I think of go-karts, beaches, vaguely European (Asian?) imagery, and a mustache.

2. The Man of Steel's second rate, distant cousin lacks the superpowers, ability to land women, method of transportation, and general good looks of his superior cousin.

3. My ability to fly is in the shop...this was the next best method of travel!

4. Who wears a dress like that to the beach?

Freddie Gage - All My Friends Are Dead

Someone needs a hug. Though I'd be afraid, he does have this track record of all of his friends turning up dead, after all.

Jim Post - I Love My Life

The irony is overwhelming - soggy mustache, sad eyes, and redneck waterfall. I'd love my life too if it looked like I was the butt of a never ending practical joke.

Mylon - Le Fevre

Because for me, sexy involves glorious headbanger hair, a dreamy look...and tongue. Don't forget tongue. Think a sexier, decidely Spanish version of Eddie Van Halen. Stop laughing.

ET - Best Friends

Oh...so...not that ET? I'm convinced "Not ET" is truly the love child hybrid of Steve Urkel, Flava Flav, and Prince, and that takes three kinds of strange and bizarre to create someone like this. Let's face it, manufacturing happened here, where creation fears to tread.

John Bult - Julie's Sixteenth Birthday

So much wrong here, can't quite put my finger on it...

I think this is probably one of those covers that everyone looks at the wrong way. It's probably about a girl who is sad that no one showed up at her sixteenth birthday party, and the father that loves her and wants to comfort her. It's what I keep telling myself to stop the night terrors.

Shut Up and Dance - Dance Before the Police Come!

It's like Milli Vanilli, with weapons, short hair, baby oil...and the promise that not dancing will result in police involvement. Even their name is catchy, but unoriginal - I've seen moms holler this at crying 3-year-old kids during dance recitals. But the police have never been involved.

Organ Fantasy

NOT PICTURED: Organ

Ok, so she's apparently having a fantasy...involving an organ...which isn't there, but there's balloons and a red body suit...it looks like a party happened here...I'm sorry, what the HELL is this?

William Shatner - Seeking Major Tom

By default, I hate anything that involves William Shatner. Including Star Trek. What? You say "oh, he's not in everything in the franchise!" I don't care, he's affiliated with it, and that alone is enough to warrant a huge Hell no from me. And anything that involves this Ego Trip on Steroids singing just sounds like a bad joke. It's also too bad the rocket missed.

David Hasselhoff - Night Rocker

This comes to the list by default, because like William Shatner before him on the list, anything is prime for this list simply for being associated with David Hasselhoff. My ex loves David Hasselhoff. I could bore you with the tales of having to listen to his music in the car at 6:30 in the morning, the time he bought the Knight Rider shirt, and listening to him sing the Baywatch theme. Because it is cheaper than therapy. You'll take my word for it? Ok. I hereby dedicate this album cover to symbolize the reasons I ran the other way, because believe it or not, this wasn't the only reason.

Thought it may as well be.

Elerts Jul - Untitled Christmas Album

Couldn't find the title of this one, so I'll just call it "Elvis Impersonator Extraordinaire of Sweden Sings Glorious Christmas Music For Yoo!"

Mrs. Mills - All Time Party Dances and Other Favourites

Don't let Mrs. Mills' looks fool you...this bitch is a party animal. And she has moves.

Mike Terry - Live at the Pavilion Theater Glasgow (Volume 2)

Think Liberace of the Scottish persuasion, except less flamboyant and...ok, flamboyant, but sorta drag queen-esque. So think of Divine. With sequins!

And to think, the original was so wonderful, a second volume was released!

The Many Facets of Roger

I need lessons, since I only have three facets. Roger is a legend.

The Ritchie Family - Bad Reputation

Six dollars for this?! The Ritchie family, to clear things up, are the three leather-clad ladies (neither named "Ritchie" nor a family) flanking the motorcycle, surrounded by five male strippers and a big dog. I love the expression on the guy in the lower left corner, he seems to be aware of how unusual this all is, or just trying to escape. The dog looks violated by association.

If you've made it to the end of this article and didn't need to bleach your eyes or scream your throat hoarse, CONGRATULATIONS! You are officially brave. And a liker of Awesomely Bad Album Covers. Which makes you awesome in certain circles...and a sadist in others.

For now, I have to get back to work, but do me a favor - have a great rest of your Thursday!

 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

3rd Published Article!

3rd published article on Yahoo! Content Network. YEA!!! :-)

My Tax Return and the Ultimate Dilemma: Spend or Save?

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to the women who care for us, push us in the right direction, laugh at our dumb jokes, try to make us laugh with their dumb jokes (which can be hit or miss, though mom will always think she's funny), played with us, assured us that everything will be ok, despite the constant "things will never be ok!", help us through the end of bad relationships, celebrate the start of new relationships...and continue to be there to support us every step of the way.

Without you, we wouldn't be who we are. Or survive to adulthood.

Happy Mother's Day! :-)

Thank You for Being a Friend - Andrew Gold

 

Saturday, May 4, 2013

May the Fourth Be With You...

A Stargate fan (who is not a fan of Star Wars) celebrates the four things she does love about one of the other most celebrated space odysseys of all time.
I am not a Star Wars fan.
And now that I've gotten your attention, you would think it is hard to find anything redeeming about the franchise itself, but in actuality, there are a few aspects of the Star Wars franchise that I actually do like. Because even when I don't enjoy something per se, I can always find something redeeming about it.
Let me give you a little background on my history with Star Wars. I was born in 1982, that's five years after "A New Hope," two years after "The Empire Strikes Back," and one year before "Return of the Jedi." I was in eighth grade when the original three films were re-released to movie theaters in January 1997, and in tenth grade when the first of the prequels were released in 1999. The second prequel came out when I was finishing high school, and the third when I was in college. I have seen the original trilogy, all about 20 years ago. I'm familiar with characters and can identify them by name, I know the name of the spaceport where Luke and Obi-Wan met with Han Solo (Mos Eisley), the Millennium Falcon, and what a lightsaber is. In other words, for someone who doesn't like the franchise, I know more about it than I have business knowing.
So, in honor of May the Fourth, I have compiled the four reasons that I do like Star Wars.
4. Star Tours
As I've mentioned, I'm not a fan. That said...I love this Walt Disney World staple, if not just for that fact that air conditioning in Florida can be a beautiful thing, but it is genuinely a fun ride through the galaxy. Opening in January 1987 in Disneyland's Tomorrowland Section and December 1989 at Walt Disney World's MGM Studios (now Hollywood Studios), the attraction was a 4 1/2 minute trip to Endor, with 40 people occupying a Starspeeder 3000 vehicle piloted by RX-24 ("Rex"), voiced by Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens. And because this is Disney, this is his first flight.
The ride was closed in 2010 for renovations as the attraction was upgrading to "Star Tours: The Adventures Continue!", which opened in May 2011. Guests visiting Walt Disney World for Celebration V (A huge Star Wars Convention held in Orlando during the month of August - again, not a fan, but one of my friends attended it right after I attended the Stargate Convention last year) were treated to a send-off celebration for the attraction, called "Last Tour to Endor."
The current attraction has some minor differences - as it takes place before "Star Tours" (oh goodness, another prequel? This is a franchise that loves its "before what you know happened...this happened!"), the Speedstars are 1000 models, and C3PO pilots.
My last trip to Disney World was in 2007, but I did get the opportunity to ride the original Star Tours during all of my visits (1990, 1997, 1999, 2002, and 2007 - I actually went to MGM Studios twice in 2007, hence, I rode it twice!). I also danced to the music of "Star Tours" in 2008 for my dance recital. Yes, Ballet with a lightsaber...it's just that cool.
There's actually two parts to the video, but part one is "Star Wars".
If you prefer your stories of rides past with a slice of video nostalgia, I have some you may like, not made by me, of course, but good enough!
Star Tours Ride Music
Star Tours - Ride Video (1986)

3. Hello Kitty did Her Own Version of It
Animation, at least in the 1980s, was privy to parody popular films of the time. Muppet Babies did this on a regular basis. In more contemporary times, Robot Chicken and Family Guy have done it (three times). But a lesser known parody of Star Wars came from a short-lived 1987 cartoon called "Hello Kitty's Furry Tale Theater," featuring Hello Kitty and all of her friends as the characters from the film series, and directly parodies Episode IV: A New Hope. Hello Kitty herself plays Princess Leia. It's actually quite cute, but that's likely a bias, since I'm a huge Hello Kitty fan. If you know the story, you'll certainly understand everything you're seeing in the cartoon...I'm assuming, since it is a little surreal. But seriously, it's ridiculously cute.
I love how TuxedoSam is Luke Skywalker, and My Melody is R2D2. Like I said, ridiculously cute. :-)
Video - Hello Kitty's Furry Tale Theater "Cat Wars"
Use the power of the fur!
2. The Music
I love orchestral movie scores. The louder, the better. The more John Williams whimsy contained herein, the better. If my vacation last year (at a Stargate Convention in Chicago) didn't come up the same time there was to be a laser show to the music of "Star Wars" in Philadelphia, I would have been there. Because nothing says "loud, orchestral music scores coupled with geeky" like laser light shows set to film soundtracks. Think "Laser Floyd" with geeks holding lightsabers.
At least, that's how I envision it.
On my iPod, I have a smattering of science fiction film soundtrack scores, including Stargate, Star Trek, and yes, Star Wars. I actually have several songs from "A New Hope" on my iPod, "Main Theme," "Cantina Band" (this one is a guilty pleasure, it's so catchy!), and The Imperial March (who doesn't love that one?). I do plan on getting the rest of the score for "A New Hope" onto my iPod at some point. Of course, and guilty as charged on this one, I also have the score for the original "Star Tours" music on my iPod too. Because I like my music geeky.
Main Theme
Cantina Band
Imperial March (Darth Vader's Theme)
And the number one reason...
1. "Star Wars Cantina"
Ok, ok, so this isn't actual Star Wars, but if you've actually watched any of the movies (and I did, 20 years ago), this song just makes sense. It's actually funny as anything (and if you have a sense of humor, or at the minimum, a soul, you'd laugh about it, not get your panties in a bunch). Sung by Mark Jonathan Davis, the song was released in January 1997 to coincide with the theatrical re-release of the three original films. The song itself is a parody within a parody , referencing the plot of "Episode IV: A New Hope, and spoofing the Barry Manilow song "(At the) Copa Cabana."
How I missed it, I have no idea (probably because at 14 years old, I didn't care about music the way I do now, and I was mildly turned off by all the hype about it when all I thought of Star Wars was "that stupid movie about space that I am forced to watch on TV every Christmas Day."), but I could kick myself for not knowing about it before 2012, when I attended my first Stargate Convention (again, with the Stargate stuff!) , and saw a video parody-within-a-parody- within-a-parody, which combined this song (a parody of "(At The) Copa Cabana," while referencing the events of "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope," with a video accompaniment of the TV series "Stargate SG-1"). It was the vain attempt to say "Stargate SG-1 is nothing like Star Wars," but fails in the attempt. Hilariously. Because, in a way, Stargate SG-1 is like Star Wars.
Except ships aren't the sole method of transportation. And they're prettier.
"Ours is bigger."
Music Video - Star Wars Cantina

I'll take a further look at this parodical paradox in honor of May the Fourth in another article, but because I love you and your mad reading skillz, here are the lyrics to the song.
"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope" (spoken by Princess Leia)
Her name was Leia
She was a princess
With a danish on each ear
And Darth Vader drawing near
So R2-D2
Found Ben Kenobi
He'd have to put the Death Star plans
Into the rebellion's hands
So Luke and Obi-Wan
Had to get to Alderaan
So they stopped into Mos Eisley to have a drink with Han
(CHORUS)
at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seen-a
Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and blasters
And old Jedi masters
At the Star Wars....
His name was Solo
He was a pilot
With a blaster at his side
And a smile 12 parsecs wide
There with Chewbacca
He was a wookie
They met with Luke and Obi-Wan
About the Millenium Falcon
Docking bay ninety-four
Stormtroopers at the door
With a flash of Ben's light-saber, now there's an arm on the floor
(REPEAT CHORUS)
"Mos Eisley spaceport...you will never find the more wretched hive
of scum and villainy. We must be cautious." (spoken by Ben Kenobi)
His name was Yoda
He was a muppet
Darth Vader was so bad
And by the way, he's Luke's dad
Luke kissed his sister
His hand got cut-off
In that galaxy far, far away
Luke has had a lousy day
Boba Fett was so mean
Jabba had bad hygiene
Why didn't they all just relax back on Tatooine
(REPEAT CHORUS)
"The force will be with you...always." (spoken by Ben)
And there you have it, four things I like about Star Wars, despite not liking the franchise much to begin with, all in honor of May the Fourth. Granted, it's not the glorious geek version of it (where I start naming ships and characters), but it's MY reasons, and I think they're pretty cool.
So, fellow Jedis, May the Fourth Be With You...Always.
Crossed over to the Dark Side? Nah, not quite, but on my desk, it works.
Happy May the Fourth to all of my contemporaries who are of the Star Wars fandom!