Unless you live under a rock, or just crawled out of this cave in Antarctica like Captain Carter, you are aware of a snowstorm named Kahn. You've seen, you know.
Pass that kidney stone named Khan, Kirk!!!
And even if you know, there's a thousand idiots around you who don't seem to be aware of a snowstorm, even as the big fat flakes are hitting them square in the face.
There are people who see snow, and have this amazing mental image/delusional fantasy of careening down a major highway at 75 mph in a raging blizzard while being inspired by this song.
I use this song to motivate me for work in the morning. Don't judge my musical tastes, if it works, run with it!
There are others who see snow the way songwriters and singers see it...
Because Anne Murray is enjoying it, then it's beautiful. And apparently warm enough to unzip my coat.
For me, the thought of impending snow conjures up images of disaster and "Flight of the Valkyries." Sure its beautiful, but what it all boils down to, snow is a great white deathtrap.
What people don't seem to realize, at least not the stupid ones, is that the news always shows people pushing stranded cars, people getting hit by plows, people slipping on the ice, reporters on sidewalks getting snowed on by a passing truck that shot snow all over them...all because they're stupid. Except for the reporter, she didn't think in her wildest dreams this would happen.
She didn't expect it, and because she was ok, it was funny.
I also love the Weather advisories and warnings they post, because there's an art to reading them. First, this is how a reasonable person sees it:
...WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 4 PM THIS
AFTERNOON TO 1 AM EST SATURDAY...
* ACCUMULATIONS...1 TO 2 INCHES WITH LOCALLY 3 INCHES POSSIBLE.
* TIMING...LIGHT SNOW IS EXPECTED TO OVERSPREAD THE AREA FROM WEST
TO EAST THIS AFTERNOON. THE STEADIEST SNOW WILL FALL LATE THIS
AFTERNOON AND THIS EVENING...BEFORE TAPERING OFF AROUND MIDNIGHT
FROM WEST TO EAST.
* IMPACTS...GIVEN HOW COLD IT HAS BEEN THE PAST FEW DAYS...THE
SNOW WILL ACCUMULATE IMMEDIATELY. SLICK TRAVEL CONDITIONS
DEVELOPING QUICKLY. SNOW WILL AFFECT THE EVENING COMMUTE.
UNTREATED ROADS AND WALKWAYS WILL BECOME SNOW COVERED...
RESULTING IN AREAS OF HAZARDOUS TRAVEL.
* TEMPERATURES...IN THE LOWER 20S.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...
A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY MEANS THAT PERIODS OF SNOW WILL CAUSE
TRAVEL DIFFICULTIES. BE PREPARED FOR SLIPPERY ROADS AND LIMITED
VISIBILITIES... AND USE CAUTION WHILE DRIVING. DRIVE AT A SLOWER
SPEED AND USE EXTRA CAUTION...ESPECIALLY WHEN TRAVELING ON BRIDGES
AND OTHER ELEVATED SURFACES AS THEY TEND TO BECOME EVEN MORE SLIPPERY.
in effect from Friday, January 25, 4:00 PM until Saturday, January 26, 1:00 AM
And how someone with no regard for meterological findings reads it, in boldface:
...WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 4 PM THIS
AFTERNOON TO 1 AM EST SATURDAY...
What's an advisory?
* ACCUMULATIONS...1 TO 2 INCHES WITH LOCALLY 3 INCHES POSSIBLE.
That's not much.
* TIMING...LIGHT SNOW IS EXPECTED TO OVERSPREAD THE AREA FROM WEST
TO EAST THIS AFTERNOON. THE STEADIEST SNOW WILL FALL LATE THIS
AFTERNOON AND THIS EVENING...BEFORE TAPERING OFF AROUND MIDNIGHT
FROM WEST TO EAST.
But the roads will be clean, right? I have to go buy bread and milk at the grocery store.
* IMPACTS...GIVEN HOW COLD IT HAS BEEN THE PAST FEW DAYS...THE
SNOW WILL ACCUMULATE IMMEDIATELY. SLICK TRAVEL CONDITIONS
DEVELOPING QUICKLY. SNOW WILL AFFECT THE EVENING COMMUTE.
UNTREATED ROADS AND WALKWAYS WILL BECOME SNOW COVERED...
RESULTING IN AREAS OF HAZARDOUS TRAVEL.
But the roads will be clean, right? Like I said, need bread and milk!
* TEMPERATURES...IN THE LOWER 20S.
It always feels warmer than that when it snows.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...
A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY MEANS THAT PERIODS OF SNOW WILL CAUSE
TRAVEL DIFFICULTIES. BE PREPARED FOR SLIPPERY ROADS AND LIMITED
VISIBILITIES... AND USE CAUTION WHILE DRIVING. DRIVE AT A SLOWER
SPEED AND USE EXTRA CAUTION...ESPECIALLY WHEN TRAVELING ON BRIDGES
AND OTHER ELEVATED SURFACES AS THEY TEND TO BECOME EVEN MORE SLIPPERY.
So...I'll repeat myself AGAIN...its safe to drive in this, right? As long as you stick to the main roads, should be no problem, right? Bread, milk, NEED IT!
And how somone who believes the end of the world is coming would read the above...
Shit, snow! I hear the thundering hooves in the distance! Stay indoors and hide under the blankets! But not before grocery shopping ahead of time for bread and milk! Did I mention the end of the world is coming and I hear hooves in the distance?
So there you have it - Snow Snow Everywhere, Winter Wonderland, Great White Deathtrap, Normal Driving Conditions, The End of the World - what ever you call it, it only looks pretty. Its actually dangerous. So, best advice, if you have to be on the roads in it, be careful.
And don't listen to Winter Games while you're driving. Just as dangerous as texting and driving.
Follow Allison on Twitter @DancerChick1982
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